


All Those Lies

by Nad98



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Campaign 2 (Critical Role), Doubt, Gen, My First Work in This Fandom, Not Beta Read, Self-Doubt, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 07:50:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21424753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nad98/pseuds/Nad98
Summary: The conversation with Oremid Hass had gone a lot better than Nott had expected. She had actually been helpful in the discussion, much to her own suprise.The charisma tattoo might actually work!So, why was she feeling bad then, she wondered quietly as they walked to Pumat Sol’s.“Why am I lying all the time?”
Relationships: Jester Lavorre & Nott, Nott & Caleb Widogast, Yeza Brenatto/Nott
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	All Those Lies

The conversation with Oremid Hass had gone a lot better than Nott had expected. She had actually been helpful in the discussion, much to her own suprise.

The charisma tattoo might actually work!

So, why was she feeling bad then, she wondered quietly as they walked to Pumat Sol’s.

_“Why am I lying all the time?”_

That had been Beau’s question. And of course, Beau was an exessive liar and she had all the right in the world to question the reason behind it but to Nott it had felt cruel to hear that question adressed towards her.

Just some seconds before Nott had lied herself. Like she often did. Not successfully but she did lie very often. And the lie she had told Beau today that one stung more than others did. More than it was supposed to sting in Nott’s opinion.

_“The flask has been empty the whole time!”_

No, it wasn’t true. Of course it wasn’t. Thank the gods it wasn’t.

… Right?

No. Nott wished it was true. That it was true and she didn’t need this painkiller anymore.

Jester would be so proud. She would hug her and congratulate her and be so happy.

Oh, sweet Jester. How much Nott wanted to make her a bit happier. To only give a little bit of the joy back Jester had brought her.

And what would Yeza say? Did he even know? Nott was afraid so. He had a nose for the smell and he had never enjoyed drinking as much as her. Had always said it was more of an ingredient than a breverage.

Would he start liking her better again? Trust her more around Luc? Not that he said anything or took him away from her but Nott couldn’t miss the distrustful glances and the distance between them.

Yeza knew.

So did Caleb.

He had claimed he wouldn’t judge her, if she continued. And maybe that was true.

But Nott wanted him to judge her. To be mad at her for being so weak and addicted. For being wrong and ugly and terrible.

Because she was terrible and he was not. And maybe he would get it if he could hate her. Get that he was wonderful and had learnt so much, had grown so much, had been kind and understanding.

That he was indeed useful.

And she was not.

Didn’t check for traps. Hurt her friends in fights and feelings. Didn’t stop drinking even though she knew that it didn’t help.

Nott was a liar just like Beau. But she had a sense of why she was doing it. Why she was blinding herself with lies. To cover her biggest lie, the one she didn’t want to get out. The one truth she couldn’t yet accept or did not know how to accept.

The truth that she was Nott.

**Author's Note:**

> So hey. Critical Role happened to my life and I had to write this after thinking too much about it and watching episode 84. Posted it on tumblr [here](https://nadiestar.tumblr.com/post/189045343682/all-those-lies).
> 
> Also I love Nott. I love her and identify with her and I do not know why.
> 
> So, this is it.  
If you've got the time please leave a comment, take care and have a nice day!


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